There has been some interest in what owning a store is like so I thought typing up some of the things I hear on a daily basis would be a fun way to start. I’ll avoid typing the really ridiculous/offensive stuff, but if you want to hear that too I’ll do another post!
What is Book? What is Money?
- “So you sell books?” *looks at shelves* It would seem so.
- “Wait, so money needs to exchange hands?” Er…*glances about* Yes?
- “The state taxes bibles?!” Yes…the state taxes everything.
- “$10! But that’s so much!” *Looks at stack of five books* Is it? Where are you shopping normally that it makes them seem expensive? Because I need to go immediately.
- “Could you give me a discount?” No…technically the whole store is discounted. Other than a few new books, everything in here is 50% off or more.
- “What can you do for me?” Er…what? I don’t even know what this means…I can sell you a book, but that’s about it.
- “Are these books for sale?” Yes…yes they are.
I’m Looking for Words
- “I can’t remember the name. It’s about a bunch of people dying.” Uh…
- “Something about 500 pages, it can’t have people on the covers, and no violence/sex in it.” So..yeah…that’s impossible. Do you want a dictionary..no wait even that technically has violence and sex in it. I can tape a bunch of kids books together into a stack.
- “There is a movie about it.” Well that does narrow it down a bit…
- “I’m looking for books by *insert author*. I’ve read all of her stuff already.” *looks at section* Yeah I’ve read all of these, do you have any more?” I’m sorry but I can’t magic books into existence…I wish…
- “It has something do with dolphins I think.” *pulls out every dolphin book I have* Please let one of these be the right one…
- “The cover has *insert vague description, usually consisting of colors*” There is no way I’m pulling all of those off the shelves…
That’s a Compliment! Right?
- “You own the store? But you’re so young!” – Er…yes? I’m in my mid-20’s…that’s usually plenty of time to find a job.
- “I love your hair! It’s so crazy.” – Um…I’m assuming crazy is good? Or do you mean it looks like it belongs on a crazy person?
- “It’s so clean and tiny in here!” – Clean is good…tiny is also good? Did you mean tidy? It is tiny though…
- “What college did you get your diploma?” – Er…what diploma? That means you think I’m intelligent! But now I can see the shock and disappointment when I tell you I don’t have one…I’m not sure how to feel.
High Expectations, Low Expectations
- “You’ve read *insert title* right?!” Um no…I’ve never even heard of that.
- “Oh, you’re young you don’t read this stuff.” I read everything, even books that are apparently too old for me.
- “Who reads this garbage?” *points to fantasy section* Um..no clue. *hides fantasy book under the counter*
- “I want you to recommend me a book that you’ve read.” (I get this often enough that I’m running out of books I’ve read to sell).
Tell Me Your life
- *older man picks up Valentine’s Day children’s book* “I’m going to get this for my girlfriend. She’s married.” BAHA!
- “When I was in prison…” Ooh…um…don’t tell me this, please.
- “You know that guy from the Green Mile? I knew a guy just like him.” Er..magic?